Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
