He is such a slut. More and more my type.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
