oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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