Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'