just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha