Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
