if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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