She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
