he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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