Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
