I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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