Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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