So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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