I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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