cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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