Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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