Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
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totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
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I learned so much about myself in that shower.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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