The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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