you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
