My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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