This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
