worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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