I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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