Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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