Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
