Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
