um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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