Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
