I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
