last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
