this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
