WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
