FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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