This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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