I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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