He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
