butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
