I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
