I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
as a side note pls kill me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize