i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
