I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
