Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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