it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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