I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
