hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
