I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
