So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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