You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
