Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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