Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
