a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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