also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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