If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
