She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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