....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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