Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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