Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
