I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
