just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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