I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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