I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
