apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
