I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She's the barista slut.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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