I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
