you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
