why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
