i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
