you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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